if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
