the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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