and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
