i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
