No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
