think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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