You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i can't believe i had my finger in that
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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