my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
