Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
