Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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