Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
