going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
