Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
