At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
