I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
