There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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