where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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