girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
