okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
