i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
