census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
