I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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