she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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