Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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