So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Randomize
