I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
