Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
