I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
