I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
