Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
