My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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