Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
