TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
