i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I supernannyed him into submission
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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