there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
