Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
