And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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