in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
