My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
