I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
