I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
pray to the hookup gods
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
