Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
