i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
