I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
