im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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