At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
love makes seman taste better
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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