Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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