Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
