her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize