I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
