Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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