did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
