i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
