Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Is it because I queefed?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
