Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize