she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
