Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
