FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
