are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
