K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
