I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
