Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
