If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
