So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
