His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
