an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
