Soap is not a condiment
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
