Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
