I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you guys were way drunker than both of me
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
