Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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