After last night, I could never be a politician.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
