So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
