i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize