i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
