Will you blow on my dice?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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