smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
