where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
