So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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