I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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