I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
