you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
