first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
