You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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