in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
