I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
