that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
