Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
