Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Randomize
