She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
