Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
