I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
