He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
